Thursday, January 28, 2010

Fantasy SOTU

It really is less about last night's speech and more about the whole enterprise that is the state of the union address colored by my current attitude about where we are at as a country and what is being done about that. With that caveat, here are a few things I would have liked to have heard as part of the address.
  • Dear members of congress: Sit down and shut up. If you haven't noticed, things are pretty shitty out there for a lot of Americans and we continue to not be able to do enough to help them, so I don't think we have a lot to be applauding--especially not every 30 seconds.
  • Oh, and can we all take the smug looks off our faces. We had enough of that for the last eight years and besides it just makes people think we're assholes--I'm talking to you mister curiously tan minority leader.
  • This is supposed to be a report on the state of the union, not the potential state of the union, so I am not going to announce a whole set of new ideas implying that just because I said them here they are going to ever happen given how long it takes us to do anything. Instead I am going to focus on what is at hand and what needs done. Did I mention things are pretty shitty out there right now?
  • Hey ladies, what did you think of that new Apple iPad? Nice name, huh?
  • Speaking of ladies, I am going to give a nod to the first lady tonight without cracking flirty little jokes that frame her as a high schooler who can't handle the spotlight like her man can.
  • Also thought it might be interesting to acknowledge the need for a strong union movement in this country since the work of their members is what led to my administration and this Congress and as far as I can tell we haven't really acknowledged that or done anything legislatively to improve the right to organize.
  • Wow, there really is a lot of red and purple going on tonight--did we change our colors and nobody told me?
  • To my colleagues in the Senate. Since most of you are millionaires already--would you mind sharing a little of the wealth so at least a few folks could eat and see a doctor? Mighty white of ya.
  • Oh and yo, white people, I am now going to drop a little dialect on you so Chris Matthews remembers I am an African-American.
Enough for now. Perhaps more later.

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